That feeling; when it will fade away actually ?

oh after 2 years im writing about my stories again this time.
fuh2 habuk2 sikit huhu.

its the only story that i dont tell people. that ive kept in this 4 years.
i thought that i am completely okay but then ive realised that im not okay when im meeting someone.
but never mind. im getting stronger anyway.

i may look strong but am i strong enough to act strong in front of people ? oh after a while i still can said so since people dont notice them. i act strong just because being strong is the only choice i have for the moment. but the truth ? im dead inside. its tiring, dying feeling actually when you really cant love another because of her.

and because of that, im become more open to let people know about my story nowadays; but then the chosen one je la kan huhu. it makes me relieve somehow even the advises given is just the same haha. be strong. you have to move on. but really thank you for those words. tapi standard la kan tak mungkin kerna sayang cuma kadg kala aku terkenang. clichee

why im writing this post ? oh bukan utk meraih simpati manusia2. because ive kept this story by myself for too long until i dont have any excuses when the other people asked me about marriage and whatsoever. and because im feel tired having this feeling. i want to let go. and i do hope i can really let go this time. pray for me; for my heart. i will smile again someday.

ive been in love with someone didnt love me back; and ive been love with someone that i didnt love back. and i dont know which is worse; to be broken or to break another soul :(

after all today is mother's day. mak, rindu :( insyaAllah akan tiba masanya kita bertemu.

I M Y

and im rather feel alone than feel nothing at all towards youu.

H I L A N G

Theres no one single day.

that my mind wouldnt think about you.

Theres no one single day.

that the feeling of missing you is gone.

and theres no one single day.

that my heart wouldnt pray for you.

still. my tears are flowing through my cheekbone sometimes.

when im missing you too much.

and theres nothing i can do.

except pray and continuely praying for you.

so that you have a better place there.

Sometimes.

i search for you in your room.

i guess that you are laying down on your bed or reading the Quran as always.

but you werent there.

then i go to the kitchen.

so i can smell something good of your cooks.

but you werent there also,

then i go to our parlour.

and i want to see you at your favourite spot.

you werent there also.

then i hope you are having a little chitchat with the neighbours.

i see the neighbours.

but i dont see you.

I just missing you a lot mom.

and its been more than 3 months.

the feeling cant get rid of itself.

i thought that it takes everything to move on.

but i guess everything just not enough.

Ya Allah.

I know you have a better plan for me.

jadi ya aku redha ya Allah.

cuma terkadang aku berharap aku dapat jumpak mak aku lagi.

walau dalam mimpi.

even its just 5 minutes dream.

Alhamdulillah baru mendapat kekuatan untuk menulis post ini.

tidak pernah aku bayang akan hidup yang dia tiada.

tiada lagi senyuman menyambut aku setiap kali pulang.

tidak mengapa.

aku benar2 harap aku dapat bertemu dengan kau ibu di syurga kelak.

insyaAllah. :)

hari ini sunyi sekali.
tidak seperti yang lalu.
bermula diri aku sendiri.
tiada lagi kau di sisi.

hilang semua bayanganmu.
yang tinggal hanya kenangan bersamamu.
aku hilang.

Tuhan tolong ampunkan dosanya.
pada hambamu yang lemah.
bekalkan dia keberkatan.
agar dia bahagia.

di sana. tempat mu selamanya.
di sini hanya menanti.
itulah kita manusia.
takkan kekal kasih selamanya.

A L H A M D U L I L L A H

Stay with me

just because my eyes wont shut itself. so i make a decision to write a new post. hehe its not that interesting. but it is something i want to write about. give some of advise as well. 

its a quote that i like recently. appreciate before its too late guys.

yeahh. thats was exactly like a head shot to me. i just thought i wont lose it. 

its my fault as well. so deeply apologies from me.

smile the way you use to smile with me.

appreciate and never take for granted what you have guys. .

they will move on. 

Jitra <3

so this is part if Jitra. haha

that i love.

that gives me fresh atmosphere.

where i have my family.

and im glad. this things happen when im in jitra.

so i hope that KB make you feel what i feels when im in Jitra XD

when i was younger.

i'd put my arms in my shirt and told people i lost my arms.
i would restart the video games whenever i know i would going to lose.
i would sleep with all the stuffed animals so none of them would get offended.
i had that one pen with six colours. and tried to push all the buttons at once.
i poured my soda into a cap. and acting like i was taking shots.
i would wait behind a door to scare someone but soon leave because they were taking too long or i had to pee.
i would fake being sleep. so that my dad will carry me to bed.
i used to think that the moon followed my car.
i would watch those two drops of rainroll down window and pretend it was a race.
i used to swallow fruit seeds and then scared to death that a tree was going to grow in my stomach.
remember when we were kids and couldnt wait to grow up ?

what we were actually think then ? 

Guess it's true, I'm not good at a one-night stand
But I still need love 'cause I'm just a man
These nights never seem to go to plan
I don't want you to leave, will you hold my hand?

Oh, won't you stay with me?
'Cause you're all I need
This ain't love, it's clear to see
But darling, stay with me

Why am I so emotional?
No, it's not a good look, gain some self-control
And deep down I know this never works
But you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt

okayylah. dah habess merepek. kehkeh gdddnight guys. have some faith ! :)

Assalamualaikum dan selamat malam.

Some old story of mine

fuhhh2.

it started 27th January 2014.

i guess the best memories ive ever had in penang.

aku terasa amat bertuah kerana dpt dipraktikalkan di sekolah yang baik2. yg murid2nya terlalu baik bagi aku. yg byk menyokong aku. even aku mengajar xdaklah sesempurna cikgu2 lama diorg. depa terima aku with their open hearts i guess. wuwu i dont have any complaints towards them. they are always the best for me. XD

ni lah kawan2 sepraktikal aku. tasha din jeri aini dgn ponas. even kdg2 ad masam muka. ( 2% masam muka yg laen happy jeee ) hahaha.
jeri & tasha : you are just simply the best that ive ever find in my whole life.
din : lawak gila. dlu first time jumpak aku xexpect dia mcm nie. haha
aini. aku mmg rapat dgn dia 2nd year dgn 3rd year sbb s.john. tgk2 praktikal sekali. dia nie pon gila2 sma ja. haha
ponas. kawan 4tahun aku. kawan yg mula2 tolong aku bgn. thankyou ponas. 0 _0 taww :D

okay dah part kwan2 aku. haha skrg part student2 aku.

2 USAMAH

uzair. luqman. adam. afiq. zakwan. asyraf. hafiz. umar. khairul. zul. alif. shauki. aiman. miqdad. putera. safwan. faat. baim. saharul. nur luqman. syahmi.

2 QUTAIBAH

azfar. arief. afiq aiman. muslihin. kayan. jali. nassran. azim. syahmi. amsyar. daniel. asyraf. nazmie. amirul afiq. iman. alipp. adli. naim.

4 THORIQ

shafiq amri. asyraf. adam. atip. fazlin. firdaus. alipp. syamim fitri. afiq. akmal naim. khairil. aidil. zakwan. naim. aimal. fahmi. huzaifah. izzat. amirul. amir izzudin. harris. najmi. danial aiman. faidzrul. akmal. syamim 1.
cikgu taww ad nama kurangg. tapi cikgu xingt sp lagi cikgu xtuliss. waa. the only class yg aku xsempat nak tgkap gmbaq sekali. T.T

ive wonder. how much i teach you. and you understand. haha sorry kalu cikgu ajaq math xbpa nk menarik. game yg cikgu buat boring. haha but guess what ?  ive never feel that burdened teaching you guys. okay skrg masa kelas niee.. jom2. haha thankyou klaw treat cikgu as your friend but respect me as a teacher as well. i can say that you guys are the reason why i stay in teacher profession. insyaAllah ad masa cikgu mai melawat. :D

yang terpahit jua termanis semuanya bagiku terindah

ku ingati buat selama-lamanya.

di sini jua memori tercipta.

walau seketika terjalin kasih kita.

mungkin di sini kita kan terpisah.

kenangan bersama tiada ku lupa.   

La tahzan.

Mmg. Kena redha.
Teruk cmna pon mmg kena redha.
Cuma yg bezanya. Tahap hg dgn Allah nt.
Sp yg redha dgn ikhlas, Allah dah janji akn ganti dgn bnda yg lagi baik.
Bnda dah ad. Cuma kita ja tktau ap dan bila. Janji Allah kan xkan termungkir. Hri ni mgkin susah hg nak accept kan. Tpi klaw dah lama2 nt insyaAllah.
Powerful advice from bestfriend.
Thankyouu. 
I know it hurts for now. Stay smile then.

Dont be sad. Allah is with us.
[ At-taubah : 40 ]

mungkin belum tiba masanya. 

mungkin Dia nak sedarkan aku. rapatkan diri aku dgn Dia.

alhamdulillah aku masih diberi kesedaran untuk berubah.

semoga aku menjadi lebih baek. baek dari sebelumnya. 

ya Allah. aku redha dgn ketentuan ini.

ikhlas. redha. 

kdg2 aku juga tidak memahami ap yg Engkau atur kepada aku.

life sometimes is to be accepted. not understandable.

aku fham semua itu. moga ad hikmah. insyaAllah.

ramai orang boleh sebut sabar.

tapi bila kena dekat diri sendiri.

dia pon xboleh nak tahan sabar.

ramai orang boleh nasihatkan orang tentang redha.

tapi bila dia sendiri kena.

dia sendiri pon xreti nak redha.

sebab kita nie manusia. ada kalanya pndai berkata-kata.

sampai kita pon banyak kali lupa.

eh kita pon lebih kurang sama.

maka jangan putus berdoa.

semoga Allah jaga hati kita.

semoga terpelihara jiwa kita :)

Moments to remember.

its been my big big big pleasure having been in those memories. being apart of you guys.

what am i ? i didnt dare to hope for anything anyway.

its been a lot upside down things that happen when we were together.

i would definitely miss all of you.

separation is painful. very painful.

but since its a part of life. just go on ikmal.

ill get used to it.

like ive been saying a lot to my friends.

be strong. stay strong. act strong when you cant be strong anymore.

thankyouu for those memories my dearest2 friends.

ill aprreciate single of you. really appreciate.

im sorry for my wrongdoing. i hope we all can keep in touch too.

goooodluck. thankyouu for everythng.

Sc pend edu. all are like sisters to me. thankyouuu for being too nice.
credit to @ezatulmiera for this nice picture :)  

Padang kawad in memories. nie la tempat dok maen futsal 3 tahun stgh. hmm2

edu fc. some are like brothers to me already. thankyouu. even our major isnt the same.
but you guys still taking care of me nicely. thankyou again :))

He is a friend that i would appreciate forever :))

kehkehh XD

being part of you two in this life. its a huge blessing. thankyou for everything :)

Kwan rapat gila2. share byk benda jugak la. hehe

troublee maker gang ? HAHA we used to it. 

one beautiful+pretty+gorgeous lady politely there. shes kind and its been my pleasure to know her before im graduate. Thank you for everything.

When will i see you again :(

Family s.john. office s.john tue dah mcm rumah no2. HAHA
thankyouuuu all ! 

Some of noonas which are do kind to me :))

Thankyou for letting me being part of this family.
they do teach me how to be responsible. matured and a lot more things :)

ada duit lebihhh. lalala xD

Gemoks. kawan yg aku rapat gila2. thankyou teman aku pegi h########. HAHA
skrg dah renggang ckit. :(( busyy kot. hmm2
farewell gemoks. aku xkan lupakan kenangan dgn hang. wuwuwuuu

satu lagi family dkt usm. penat mmg penat. tapi berbaloii dgn experience bagai.
gooodluck ajk akan datangg :)  

they are cool. they are sporting.
and its been my pleasure to know them too :)
goooodluck LI oih. hmm2

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love them when you let them go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missin' home
Only know you love them when you let them go
And you let them go

Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast

You see them when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies

Staring at the ceiling in the dark

Same old empty feeling in your heart

'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast

Well you see them when you fall asleep

But never to touch and never to keep

'Cause you loved them too much

And you dive too deep

i will be missing you guys. definitely !

until it hurts. but nevermind.

ill get used to it :(

goooodluck all. ill pray for your happiness here and everafter.

keeep smile. and stay cool :(

farewell then ~